Saturday, December 9, 2006


“What are you waiting for?” Did someone ask you this question already? Exactly what is the meaning of this question? If we try to think about it there are a lot of meanings of this question. It depends on what is in the frame of mind of the person asking and the circumstances of the person being asked.
People have different perspective in life some would want it to take it easy while others would want to take things so fast. Other’s are just contended with what they have while some would want more to happen or to achieve in their lives.
What is there to wait in life? Is it the fact that we have to achieve something in our own fields and careers? Is it someone that would complete us and make us whole? Is it something that we are obliged to do or ought to do? Or is it a mission that we ourselves still don’t know. That is the mystery.
The question sometimes pressures the person being asked to do something which he should do but he or she is not doing something about it. But what if, what is being waited is not yet in existence or not visible or it is yet unknown? How then can we answer such a question?
Did it ever occur to you to stop a while to think and ask yourself, “How is my life? Am I doing what I really should do, obliged to do or should I do something I really wanted to?” People rush in to things because they just want to achieve something that they think they want to do but then again in reality they have chosen a path which leads them to emptiness. Why? Because the truth of the matter is that they are confused with something that they think they really want to do with something they really should or obliged to do, born out of necessity and blind perception of maybe influences, material things or whims and caprices and not what their passion dictates.
Some people believe that there is no time for waiting and things should be done right away without carefully thinking or studying. However there are also those who wait and see, studying carefully their next move to know what they really want to do instead of doing what they should do. I don not mean that these kind of people are the passive kind, no not at all, they too are people in action but have to study and scrutinized their every move.
Life is not something to rush on to. It is a journey to a destination, the path of which we don’t know. Hence such journey can be said to be “THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.” As a lost traveler, one must use his or her head and at the same time instinct if logic does not apply or both. A traveler cannot use only his or her instinct if logic and the facts are so clear to lead him to a way where his aim or goal is.

It is a pity that sometimes when one is being asked with such a question as above, he or she is driven by thoughts that somehow waiting is inutile, that one must act mechanically without thinking and so decisions which result to a way lead into the wrong way and not achieving the goal …of what he or she really wants. And so mistakes are often committed. And when this happen as likened to a lost traveler, he or she becomes frustrated and becomes disillusioned that the destination will never be reached, to do that which is desired by his or her passion. Hence becomes lost in the woods of despair and misery.
Waiting is always associated with patience. If we have patience to wait for something or someone then surely the right decisions will lead us to achieve our goals it is our map in going about our journey. We make our own path, our own fate and as such we should be very careful …to wait that is, with our choices and decisions in every aspect of our lives. No one is accountable for the life of an individual but himself alone.
But when what is being waited is obviously there and the person being asked is not doing anything about it then the question comes into play as an eye opener a push for an action to be done by the person being asked. Simply put, if nothing is done then time will only dragged the thing or person being waited and throws it into delay thus waiting is no longer the question but an opportunity wasted. Well this is for those who does not have to wait and know very well all there is in front of him or her and there is a crystal clear path to travel the journey of life.
Me, I still don’t know what I am waiting for I’m just here contemplating what am I waiting for. Maybe an unaccomplished business….hmmmm to save an innocent man from being put to jail or worst to death?… an opportunity to write a good book?… to become somebody someday?…I still don’t know, but I surely want to wait, You….. “What are you waiting for?”

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Well I have not written a single word for quite some time I just want people to know I still exists and I could think of anything to write. Sometimes your mind is clear, your thoughts just pass you never noticing the things that were in your mind.
In the pass few days I have been wanting to write but have no time to do so....its kindda I have time but I could not remember the things that I wanted toggle in here. Hmmm well I just thought of life being soooo like this. When there so little time there are a lot of things to do and when you have time you could not think of those things you have missed and wanted to do when you haven't got a minute.
I have an ample of time in front of the net but then again I wonder what would I speak where the hell is my mind. Maybe I was so preoccupied with a lot of things that now my mind just want an empty piece of it.
Nothing....niente sometimes creates a lot of things to speak or write of. Just exactly what does the word means? Beats me. Now I think of nothing but I am toggling some words here. Now I wonder does nothing really means itself or is there something behind the nothng ness...the voidness to speak of. Nothing sometimes speaks of silence and as they say silence speaks more than a thousand words. What then am I speaking right now? Am I speaking a thousand words or just nothing at all.
Well maybe nothing at all...just want you to know I'm back. And maybe the next time I can figure out the words I have been wanting to write and bring back my wits. Well talk about clearing all the cobwebs......

Monday, July 31, 2006


There are some things that can over come loneliness and frustration….these are the things that matter most to you. But just when you think that you have over come your self and what time is imposing you to get thru you begin to seek the soltitude that being alone can bring you. Just when you think you are having fun and you’ll be alright the mind seeks you to drop everything you have been exhausting to cover up what it is imposing you to face and go thru…the excruciating pain of contemplating reality.

Awhile ago I was with my family reminiscing history of how I came into existence. My family was having meeting of how to go about the big plan of a grand reunion and of producing a book. Now I have a thought, the past was all so simple when we were just kids nothing to worry about but what to play or whom to play with. Or it was even simplier then when I was not yet in existence. But the turn of events…my grandpa and grandma met having my ma and my ma and pa by chance have met and having me had all these things happen to bind me now in my ordeal?

When is a person’s fate destined to happen? Is it from the time he or she is conceived that all the things that would bound to happen will definitely happen to him or her? Or is it the circumstances or the choices one makes that make the fate of a person happen… I wonder?

For if it was written and bound to happen just when my existence here on this earth was certain then I would not blame myself of what I am going through right now otherwise I would be guilty of my imprudence. But come to think of it? Did I choose to take up law and become a lawyer ? Is it my own demons after all that have led me to be so confused? What makes up a person’s life and fate? Am I to be blame for he things that is happening to me that should not happen?

Monday, July 3, 2006


Being sorry is an act of humility thus there are some things that we should really be sorry for like when we've wronged someone or we did something with malice. Those are acts we should be ashamed doing and thus an apology to the passive party is needed. Be it as it may there are some things which should not apologized for. Like, who we are as long as we don’t hurt anybody, we would be unfair to ourselves if we try to pretend to be someone else we are not just to please someone or worse the whole world. Things that we have or possess because we deserve having them through hard work and others don’t have or reaching a stature of life that was are destined to be at or have long been waiting to be awarded to us because of merits...the love of people who had loved us since birth or those who we wooed, these are blessings that we should not be guilty having. Being sorry for everything and for everybody has been always been a problem of mine. Sometimes I get so paranoid with a lot of things. If things are messed up, it somehow upsets me thinking I have something to do with it. Or if some person gets mad I begin to think the anger is addressed to me. Worst sometimes if I have something and another does not have it... I feel guilty.
While I was rummaging papers piled on my desk at the office I have come across a print out of this list of the so called things that we should never apologize. This list if my memory is correct has been an email which was sent to me by a friend. I find it worth keeping for so I bothered to print it out to remind me that we should not always be sorry for all the things that we do or have. And so the list goes:
1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.
2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn't mean speaking Ebonics.
3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn't work out.
4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.
5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.
7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean you're cheap.
8. Don't apologize for being a single parent. Babies are blessings.
9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to showyourself some appreciation.
10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.
11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if wedding bells won't chime.
12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.
13. Never apologize for saying NO.
14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. If you don't, then who will?
15. Never apologize for wearing a weave. You bought it so it's yours.
16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.
17. Never apologize for ordering dessert. Or more than one dessert.
18. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr.Right across the color line doesn't mean you don't love your brothas.
19. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can't burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.
20. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It's your style.
21. Never apologize for changing your mind.
22. Never apologize for exercising your right to choose. It's your body and your right.
23. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.
24. Never apologize for being you! "KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD"
The pursuit of happiness is to do anything our heart desires as long as it is right and in enriching one self is not at the expense of others…then there is nothing to apologize for. If we think we are not being treated right and we are not given what is due to us we should speak out without any drop of guilt in our veins…life is good as long as we live it right.

Thursday, June 29, 2006


There are many why’s and what’s in life… we ask to know why and what…we ask other people that question but sometimes the answers are not given to ask and we are left to question ourselves.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

A Long Lost Verse

June 14, 2006 it was...well my birthday ..I was on my way to an 8 hour drive trip, I have to attend an important meeting...when I opened a text message from a very long time friend of mine. I knew it was a birthday greeting of some sort but I read on the lines, it came to me that they were very familiar. The lines were too much familiar for me to forget as if it have been a part of me. Only to find out at the end of the text message that indeed it was one of my creation way back when I was still giving into in my own demons deep within. My friend Dang...well sige na nga (I have to give her the credit) did went over her blue corona notebook journals way back and she tried to find that poem I wrote which she copied it there....well that was the best b-day text I ever received. And the poem goes like this:

( 1993 )
I just like you
like Outlaws like anarchy
I want you
As communism wants equality
I rely on you
Just as
A perfectionist relies on practice
I respect you
Just as a
Country respects one’s religion
I believe you
Just as
The French believed in a revolution
I trust you
Just as
The Judiciary cherishes its laws
I miss you
Just as like an
outcast misses society
I love you
Just as
Poets love creating verses
I belong to you
Just as
The earth belongs to the Universe

I could not imagine that that poem was written almost 13 years ago and she had managed to preserve it in her old blue reliable thorn and tattered journals. So to you Dang Thanks a lot for giving me back...or rather maybe...for reminding me this poem.

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Dig my Ditch so you can Pierce the Veil....

There is in evryone of us a ditch...

where we feel comfortable....
where we find our comfort is warm.....

all embracing.....

Maybe silent or filled with noise but in that silence or noise we find the answers to our questions....

the ditch it is where we become our truest selves....


you can find ME
.... you can hear my voice in your mind though I am speechless can see my image vividly even though I am invisible'

Thus by entering MY DITCH PIERCE MY VEIL