Monday, July 31, 2006


There are some things that can over come loneliness and frustration….these are the things that matter most to you. But just when you think that you have over come your self and what time is imposing you to get thru you begin to seek the soltitude that being alone can bring you. Just when you think you are having fun and you’ll be alright the mind seeks you to drop everything you have been exhausting to cover up what it is imposing you to face and go thru…the excruciating pain of contemplating reality.

Awhile ago I was with my family reminiscing history of how I came into existence. My family was having meeting of how to go about the big plan of a grand reunion and of producing a book. Now I have a thought, the past was all so simple when we were just kids nothing to worry about but what to play or whom to play with. Or it was even simplier then when I was not yet in existence. But the turn of events…my grandpa and grandma met having my ma and my ma and pa by chance have met and having me had all these things happen to bind me now in my ordeal?

When is a person’s fate destined to happen? Is it from the time he or she is conceived that all the things that would bound to happen will definitely happen to him or her? Or is it the circumstances or the choices one makes that make the fate of a person happen… I wonder?

For if it was written and bound to happen just when my existence here on this earth was certain then I would not blame myself of what I am going through right now otherwise I would be guilty of my imprudence. But come to think of it? Did I choose to take up law and become a lawyer ? Is it my own demons after all that have led me to be so confused? What makes up a person’s life and fate? Am I to be blame for he things that is happening to me that should not happen?

Monday, July 3, 2006


Being sorry is an act of humility thus there are some things that we should really be sorry for like when we've wronged someone or we did something with malice. Those are acts we should be ashamed doing and thus an apology to the passive party is needed. Be it as it may there are some things which should not apologized for. Like, who we are as long as we don’t hurt anybody, we would be unfair to ourselves if we try to pretend to be someone else we are not just to please someone or worse the whole world. Things that we have or possess because we deserve having them through hard work and others don’t have or reaching a stature of life that was are destined to be at or have long been waiting to be awarded to us because of merits...the love of people who had loved us since birth or those who we wooed, these are blessings that we should not be guilty having. Being sorry for everything and for everybody has been always been a problem of mine. Sometimes I get so paranoid with a lot of things. If things are messed up, it somehow upsets me thinking I have something to do with it. Or if some person gets mad I begin to think the anger is addressed to me. Worst sometimes if I have something and another does not have it... I feel guilty.
While I was rummaging papers piled on my desk at the office I have come across a print out of this list of the so called things that we should never apologize. This list if my memory is correct has been an email which was sent to me by a friend. I find it worth keeping for so I bothered to print it out to remind me that we should not always be sorry for all the things that we do or have. And so the list goes:
1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.
2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn't mean speaking Ebonics.
3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn't work out.
4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.
5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.
7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn't mean you're cheap.
8. Don't apologize for being a single parent. Babies are blessings.
9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to showyourself some appreciation.
10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.
11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if wedding bells won't chime.
12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.
13. Never apologize for saying NO.
14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. If you don't, then who will?
15. Never apologize for wearing a weave. You bought it so it's yours.
16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.
17. Never apologize for ordering dessert. Or more than one dessert.
18. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr.Right across the color line doesn't mean you don't love your brothas.
19. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can't burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.
20. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It's your style.
21. Never apologize for changing your mind.
22. Never apologize for exercising your right to choose. It's your body and your right.
23. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.
24. Never apologize for being you! "KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD"
The pursuit of happiness is to do anything our heart desires as long as it is right and in enriching one self is not at the expense of others…then there is nothing to apologize for. If we think we are not being treated right and we are not given what is due to us we should speak out without any drop of guilt in our veins…life is good as long as we live it right.