Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ed è subito sera




As the year ends I reflect about my life…the aspects particularly. For the years I have been living I could say that life is strange and the strangest things would come in the years to come…if my life is strange now how stranger could it get?

The revelation of the world we live and breath in is beautiful…sometimes coupled with pain and mystery but most of the time it is vindicated by the awe we often get in exploring this world…
And for this I have thoughts….for life…for people in our lives …for feelings … for change…for myself

FOR LIFE…..

Life is strange…but all in all it’s good….
…. it is ironic as well. As a kid I never was a fan of fairytales …
and funny …just about when I am growing older I somehow entertain the thought that …well maybe fairytales do exists. We all have our own fairytales in life. Those which we least expect …and you wish some one would shake you off or rub your eyes to be sure all is not but a dream. The kinds that you wish it would really happen… probable but it is too good to be true.

And as I see it could be viewed as a run… a long... long run and as it goes on…we see the world as it is …the faces of people we know and not know…the neighborhood that we are used to ....our comfort zones …. Some people run for a while but their runs are short because maybe they just run through their daily old routine…and so they get tired …. some people run a long run …tiring but rewarding… …and sometimes we want to get out of our circles and go beyond the route we used to have and we explore…for the wilderness….and it is rewarding….I have been running the long one to expect it to be rewarding….a good one

FOR FEELING GOOD…

It is always an amazing feeling to feel good about something…someone…someplace….it could be the redness and the roundness of an apple you are about to eat…the beauty of the sunset you just saw on a sea….the smoothness of the horse ride you are now having…

For me I can always feel good about anything….the sight of the infinite horizon that tells me the answers to my queries….and a morning that I wake up and I see it... and in my head is all cleared up from all cobwebs …you know the once you want to clear…but you never have he chance to do so

Sometimes just thinking of nothing seems to make us feel good it unleashes all the pressures and tension of thinking too much


FOR PEOPLE THAT COME IN OUR LIVES

…it is like writing a story or verses…in it we put words to form our stories…some words we put are unnecessary and it does not do any good in the story…some words maybe appropriate and it helps …but it makes the story too long….and sometimes boring…but there are some words which are meant to be there to make the heart of the story…like people some may be unnecessary…some may be necessary but not essential…and some make up the heart of our own story….

FOR CHANGE…

It may be for the good or for the bad but all in all it must always happen….
Pante rei, ouden menei - everything goes by, nothing stays forever…it is necessary for the cycle of life to flow. It may be like the droplets of rain to end some cycles of life and give birth to new forms….or the change shift of a roller coaster ride… for if there isn’t any so then life would be boring….

FOR MYSELF…

As for me I am like a child this Christmas hoping for a long waited gift to be given….I long for the gift of enlightenment….that I seek…that all of presumptions be a given fact and not just a false theory or thought…

I do not need an aid for my vision… for I now see…

Like a giant in front of me…the one who has been sleeping but has awaken….

I just need a rubber stamp or a rub in the eye to tell me that all of this goodness that the world brings is not but a dream….but a reality…

My self is a hard person to know... even me sometimes does not understand her…she is stubborn…and a “Doubting Thomas”…skeptic…I think I need to open up for the coming year….


CONCLUSION
We are all just alone in this world who came from the womb …given the rational mind to think each of our own courses to travel…for a journey…to seize everything we have got in this life time…because time is too fast and yet there are so many things that we should do…


if we just take all of what we have for granted then before realizing the goodness of life it would be too late to appreciate and comes night….to dark to see….too late to work…to tired to think….as Salvaore Quasimodo had said:




"EVERYONE STANDS ALONE IN THE HEART OF THE EARTH


PIERCED BY A RAY OF SUNLIGHT


AND IT IS SUDDENLY NIGHT"....




Happy New Year...


…New Hopes…..New way to view the world and life…. TNX TO MY FRIEND NICO FOR ADVICING ME THAT THIS SKETCH GOES ALONG WITH THIS POEM...

Saturday, December 22, 2007

THE ELUSIVE ONE...


Christmas is elusive….

Christmas is a time when illusions come into reality. An enchanting time not only for children but for the hopeful…a time to forgive even the unforgiven…a time of courage even for the cowardice. For this nothing can go wrong during his season.

It is a time not to curl your mouth down but to curl it up…to let go of the clench fist but into an open palm… to show affection rather than hate or disgust.

It is not only a time to give and receive presents…or put and appreciate a mistletoe and a Christmas tree in each of our homes…or a get together with relatives and friends.

Wherein strict rules are relaxed and exceptions are made to laws. To heal all wounds that need to mend…to loosen up. To remove all anxieties and worries not only of your own but of the whole world. To be the little boy or the little girl that we once used to be.

Throwing away the bygones that has been haunting us like ghost in the painful and bitter past, so as to put a space within ourselves for new pleasant and wonderful things…experiences and people that would want to knock our door for the coming new year...

When everyone has the urge to reinvent themselves from who they were to who they really are.


It is to seize every moment even if the season is so fast just like a blink of an eye. For the memories may never come back…the laughter may never be heard…the moment may never be still as pictures for us to remember….but rather a void recollection of “BUTs”,
“WHAT Ifs’”,” SHOULD'VEs”,” COULD'VEs’”…and they’ll all be water under the bridge.

We would never really understand its elusiveness that drives almost everyone to all of this, but then again this season serves not only a purpose to do something once a year but for life…

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU….

And I think this is the perfect season to tell someone your Christmas message and….
ALL OF YOU ARE FREE TO WRITE YOUR CHRISTMAS MESSAGE ON THIS ENTRY TO WHOM EVER YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE ONE…PLEASE FEEL FREE…

Thursday, December 20, 2007

re·gres·sion (rĭ-grěsh'ən)




It was better then when little and helpless …
inside a dark poach …

Instead of the blinding light
t’was a tranquil darkness

Instead of akwardness
in a comforting position….where knees are curled…
….. hands embraced the body

Instead of noise
….a constant wave…
… heart beat that overcomes the silence
and after A

TUNNEL PASSED

Instead of beasts and vampires
A loving woman …
being snuggled…loved cared

…..nothing to worry about ….

When
just a soft cry but proudly …

… all needs are given and met ….

and then put in a hush…

now i am not …

just want to be back there…. nowhere else




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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Laços




When you lost someone …you get to be confused ...disoriented…lost…biter…angry with the world.

FACT OF LIFE::
There are different ties we have for each and every person who comes in our lives…we have our family…our special someone….we have our friends, some are our good friends some are just our friends …we have our acquaintances….and in these relationships we have with them there are different kinds of ties or connection…..

Thus in the lines of the boy there are those:
FIRM ONES:

THE HARD ONES THAT ARE HARDER TO DO AND UNDO

BUT WHEN ARE DONE AND AFTER WORDS UNDONE CAN BE PROUD OF
THEMSELVES AND SAY WITH BELIEF “I WAS A GREAT BOW…”

These I think are the ties we make with the people who are special to us. These kinds of ties are those which are not easily cut by absence …length of neither time…nor distance.

For me the best line in the dialogue that had gotten into me was:

THAT IS SILLINESS TO CRY FOR TIES THAT SEEM TO BE UNDONE, BUT ARE STILL FIRM.

SOME TIES ARE STUBBORN. SOMETIMES YOU THINK “PUF THEY GO!” BUT THEY ARE STILL HERE. JUST LIKE SOME KINDS OF LOVE.

The Physical absence like for example death or distance of some people in our lives… who we have such firm ties does not define our connection with them or their true existence in our lives. For if we believe that physical presence is the only way to define our connections or our ties then we have a shallow meaning of them. And we be forever lost in the belief that they have been gone.

What defines how firm and stubborn our ties then? It is in the process of making the ties which defines them. Simply put… it is on the effort…their effort… the memories you have made with these persons that made the tie between you and not with the things that happen after you establish the tie. Once a firm tie is made it remains stubborn to untie.

Some ties are loose and so when the tie is undone then it is gone with their absence. For if a loose tie is made then it can easily be untied. These are those we have for people who come and go in our lives that do not actually leave a space within our hearts. They may leave an impression but that’s just it …impression may come and go …it may be forgotten.

For me in my life I have tied only few bows but usually I make firm ties. I make it a point that it will be a proud tie. How about you? How many bow have you tied? How do you like them tied?

Monday, December 17, 2007

IDOL



THIS IS FOR MY BEST FRIEND AND HER FATHER

Death is at once
The end of the body's
Old journey
And the beginning of the soul's
New journey.
~~~~
I do not know why…when someone dies …we cry. And I cannot reconcile about the belief that passing away is just ending something temporary and beginning something eternal…Well it is easy to say verses to console but it is hard to cope up for a loss.

Tonight …my wits are dull no words that I can compose of…I am in deep sadness…not only for the loss of my very good friend but for my very own loss as well…

I just learned that the father of my best friend passed away yesterday in a stroke. I do not know how to feel. I want to reach out to my friend but hell…how will I? I do not have a direct line to my friend’s phone.

Thoughts came running in my mind…the last time I saw him he was still full of life…In my mind I could see his smile…his chuckle when I threw a joke…

I do not know why he was called IDOL by his friends…. Maybe because there was some greatness in him that they say. All I know was that he was this man who loved my best friend so much.

He was this man I knew since I was a child. With a salt and pepper hair…husky voice…driving the orange DPWH orange pick up…a thoughie ...one you would think that he always means business…. and because of that I always thought he was someone to be scared of. He was always out of the house... busy with his work. But whenever I called up my best friend and a husky voice would say “HELLO”…I would then be scared and hung up the phone. And when I went to their house and visit my friend I would not be making much of the talking when he was around.

…..to my mind that time HE WAS THE DAD OF MY BES FRIEND….

When me and my best friend grew older we separated paths…. I went away to pursue my studies and to work as a lawyer. And then…I went back to my home town and I visited my best friend…I saw him... still the man with white hair but a bit more older. And as time went by as I usually go by their house to visit my best friend... I would be amazed with such a realization….the though man that I saw and perceived as someone who was uptight had loosen up.

This time it was not the though side that I saw in him…his sweet side…


… I was amazed to see the man whom I usually felt an air of fear was such an old sweet guy. And when I enter their home I would see him on the couch watching TV. If he would know I just came in he would over me some peanuts …the one he would be munching at day time.
He always have his warmth…We became text mates. On special occasions he would send a greeting. And when ever I send him gifts…he never failed to send me his gratitude.

Gone was the vitality of a tough man …someone tired but someone who had have the best of his years. Gone was the husky voice that would scare my wits off…but a silence that I would understand with all sincerity. Gone was his busy hectic schedule for work…but a calm relaxed day to enjoy the true worth of living…..


This time he was not only THE DAD OF MY BEST FRIEND, but rather HE WAS MY SECOND DAD…MY FRIEND …MY TEXT MATE…

The last time I saw him…he was still ok. Well he could not speak but you can see in is eyes that he was happy being with his family. ..thankful to be alive each day and enjoying the joys of everyday living. To wake up day by day…smell the flowers…eat a sumptuous meal that either his wife or her daughter had prepared for the day. To visit the city proper once in a while and to eat the Norte Empanada …even for everyday.

Those were the last memories I have for him…before I left Vigan. And now this cold night in New York …wondering why I never heard anything from my best friend for quite sometime…the news of his death struck me. HE IS GONE….

When I will be back to Vigan he will be one of he memories I will miss…he is a part of the Vigan which I left. And my Vigan will never be the same again.

To where ever he is right now …I hope he is happy. To the memories he had left…I am sure it will be cherished very much…to his legacy…

To my best friend:
Ate…agininom nak tatta ditoy …nadamag ko keni Maita nga awan ni Papang mun…ni Tatta Lito…nakigto tak kasla haan nak pay mamati …ket diay imabagak tattay haan ko amo nu anya ti marik nak. Umuna unay ti marikriknam…amok nu kasano ti panagayat mo keni tatang mo….napalalu la unay. Maykadwa: ti marikriknak…ngamin ket naiyasideg met ti riknak keni tatang mun…han la nga TATANG MU ti panag kitak kanya nan nu ket di gayem ken may kadua nga amak isunan….

Anya ngarud ate…amin nga tau ket pumanaw ditoy nga lubong…ti la question nu sino ti umununa ken sino iti mabati….kasta met ti biag…aglalo datayo nga ananak…agpalubos tayo kanya da nga nagpadakel ken nagayat kanya tayo…..ta isu ti kalintegan ti lubong…ken kalintegan ti naturales ti amin nga agbiyag….haan mo babalawen ti panag panaw na ta numampay kasta haan met nga talaga nga naawan isuna adan latta isuna ti panunot mo ken pusom ken ti panunot ken puso na met. Ate tibkeram ti panunot ken riknam ada nak latta dioy uray nu adayo nak….




“In the cold of the snow storm….I feel for your pain….I know how much you love your father. And I know he is noble... the greatest thing he did for you ....I know and now I understand why he is IDOL……this post is for him. I am sorry I am not there with you now to comfort you and I am sorry for your loss…really I am best friend…”

Monday, December 10, 2007

WARMTH OF WINTER

“As soon go kindle fire with snow\ As seek to quench the fire of love with words.”~ William Shakespeare, "Two Gentlemen of Verona"

Winter has set off…

And the golden leaves of fall have fallen down. The first snow has scattered all over the ground turning the surface into a clean white….

The chilly breeze had touched every cheeks and every breath is coupled by a foggy smoke…

The sun has been shy to manifest its rays giving way to the gloomy dim sky of winter.

…or a freezing hands in the middle of long walk….

But then again….

…it does not suffice…

… to kill a furnace that brings a certain kind of warmth…. no mater how cold this season can bring …no matter how gloomy the sound of the breeze in the air whispers in the ear still there is a comforting embrace of warmth

….like a hot coffee in the morning …or a breath of cigarette in mid day…or a hot nice bath at night before going to bed.

The warmth of winter...

…. from a small furnace of a log ….a simple hi….a touch of a hand….a pat in the shoulders….the stare of a piercing eye…a dinner for two and a kiss goodnight …

To a fire setting off its course in the middle of snowy night….

The whispers of nothing … a faint smile turning into laughter…. an expression in the face… a sip of wine…a sweet scent of cologne….

…..an understanding amidst the long breaks of silence… then turns into a pact….


Can bring the furnace to flame into a blaze….

…feeling the rays of the bold sun again stinging in the skin…..a hot sun bath in the middle of the beach….big bone fire that cannot be put off….

….the fog seems to disappear….the whispers become as loud as a jazz music soothing in the ear….every crystal snow melts before it reaches the ground……

...CLEARING THE ICE WITH FIRE

THE BAND






Such form

Such music

Such an Art


With so many curves

Varied lines

Musicians

Giving me different impressions



….5 at the most

of existence

of worth

of appearance

The fat and short one…the radical….
….always opposing what the others would want

The searcher…always verbal in his opinions…
….but too often a fault finder……

The tall slim guy…the confused…who always go in an action first before the rest….
…ends up cursing or scratching the head….

Another, materialistic and loves to display all his richness
…. But then again values a bond so much….


Alas but not the least…well at least of ihis worth…
The smallest and youngest
…cleans up the dirt ….
…puts so much style in his moves…..
But
Most of all he holds the foundation of the band’s every action
Making their every action and decision as firm as it can be

These 5
make up the band

that plays to me….. the everyday music of my life

with such dexterity

with such form

with such drama

never fails to amuse me




SOMETIMES THE THINGS THAT WE PERCEIVE AS THE
SIMPLIEST FORMS ARE THOSE WHICH OPEN US TO A DOOR OF COMPLEXITIES








Saturday, December 8, 2007

ETERNAL DAMNATION

You speak of eternal damnation…do you have an idea what you are talking about? Well let me tell you what an eternal damnation is :

It is when you continue to think of something or someone continuously like a torture to your soul…….

In the night when you think of the last lines someone has uttered in their lips… and you picture on your mind the passion they have on their eyes when you saw them speak…

And you cannot understand…the meaning of your depth in a day for all of these…and most especially in the night… and they fill your mind…they reach the inner circle of your soul…your senses …and you are bleeding

That is ETERNAL DAMNATION…..

All of this madness and insanity they are bringing to you seems so endless…

Like a ghost that haunts you everywhere…every time…in the morning…in the mid day… and in the night and all you could think of is a face…a voice…a touch…a stare…

Like a dream in the middle of a sleep that you do not want to wake up ..but the dream ends and you want to sleep and dream again but you can not….

That is ETERNAL DAMNATION…

When you are in an enchanting moment and you find yourself lost and the time moves fast and you like for the time to stop but the clock continues to move on moving its hour and minute hand…

In the heat of passion you hope that all of that is happening would never end... but it ends…

When you feel something real and your heart tells you it is ripe but your mind tells you it is too soon for the feeling…

That is ETERNAL DAMNATION…

When you know you deserve to be happy… but you feel you should be sad also….

When you drink all you can to be drunk… but you cannot be intoxicated no matter how

many drink you have had…



That is ETERNAL DAMNATION….

…when you are damned……

That is ETERNAL DAMNATION.