Thursday, May 1, 2008

BACON


> No comment ….’’

Maybe I am not just trying just hard enough …. Or perhaps maybe I am just stupid ….

There are so many things in front of me so vague
….. which makes me either stride or step back …. Thoughts which make you not know whether to speak or to keep silent…..

To do anything or just nothing at all …

And all of which is because you fear to commit anything which may aggravate things
…… to say anything which may be misunderstood …. Or misconstrued


And so I ….


Stayed in the sideways for a while …..

…..just looking on my windows .... trying hard to absorb and understand ... learn
but not ventilating any signs of what runs inside

Feeling tired …. Caught up in a space and state of motionless action …

Sometimes it just feels god to keep in silent ….


To watch the world …. . move …. Cloudy blue …. Red orange … then at dusk turns to grey then black …

…. absorbing all the rage … I deem to deserve ….

As if standing with open arms in the middle of a winter night… naked

…closed eyes

Waiting for the cold to get me

....waiting for all of the pricking needle that sinks in the skin that it gives a chilly sensation ... an excruciating pain…..

True

it is painful … humbling experience …. But every sting of cold ….every blow in the head gives a certain kind of wisdom ….

Wisdom that have been clouded by selfishness and pride ….. (I did not see)

And in the end little by little though it may not be clear ..... a whole picture seen

And realize
And you only have yourself to be blamed …..



But really it is difficult … especially when there are things in front of you that no matter how hard you decipher … of understand … you cannot …. excuse my ignorance
Is the issue still about you …. Or is it something else…..
What could the world want …what does a person want?

Self absorbed ….. to just know what you want and not others …..
TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZE FOR MY LONG ABSENCE I PROMISE TO UPDATE AND CATCH UP ON YOU SOON....

15 comments:

BBC said...

I do hope that you are feeling better now. I for one just don't allow anything to beat me down.

I may retreat for a bit, think on things, but always come back strong.

Anyway, peaceful and loving paths, hugs. Bill

derick said...

anto,
good to see you are back--

there are those times when one has to stand back and even though one knows exactly what one's immobility will bring, one still is prepared to put oneself through it.
these are the lessons we all have to learn on our journey's.
to embrace these moments and move forward takes courage and focus.
i am sure with the perspective you have gained you can only move from strength to strength.
take care
derick

How do we know said...

Take Care.

Diana Evans said...

Hi Anto...

so nice to hear from you today...I was worried about you. I am a firm believer that we are put through things that we can handle and the experience will make us stronger...

I hope you find peace and that you pop by often ...

Hugs
Diana

Forever Young said...

i have missed you, so welcome back. it seems to me that you've been through a rough time, and i truly hope that things are now looking a lot clearer and easier. big hugs and lotsa welcome cheers, hooray

Miladysa said...

Welcome back!

Missed you x

BBC said...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, LADIES.

Miladysa said...

How are you Anton?

zirelda said...

I think it's something in the air. I've been struggling....

And I've missed you.

BBC said...

You promised a come back, you should keep your word. Your word is everything.

Well, I'm going camping, it's peaceful out there.

derick said...

anto,
i hope that all is well and although you are not blogging for the moment ,you are creating some wonderful artistic masterpieces.
wishing you inspiration and peace of mind.
coffee
fag
take care
derick

atomicvelvetsigh said...

well passing by again.. i see you havent been back since this post.. i hope everything is ok. well whatever you are going thru, always remember that every trial comes to make you stronger.

Ruela said...

it's a beautiful day...

BBC said...

Long time no new post. So I will remove my link and not check in anymore, you seem to be done with this.

Happy paths. Bill

Hapi said...

Happy Wednesday! Bloghoppin' here... Hey, I have an interesting tutorial for you that I have written myself. It is about adding Adsense on your Single Post in XML template. I hope you'll like it! God Bless you!