Thursday, May 1, 2008

BACON


> No comment ….’’

Maybe I am not just trying just hard enough …. Or perhaps maybe I am just stupid ….

There are so many things in front of me so vague
….. which makes me either stride or step back …. Thoughts which make you not know whether to speak or to keep silent…..

To do anything or just nothing at all …

And all of which is because you fear to commit anything which may aggravate things
…… to say anything which may be misunderstood …. Or misconstrued


And so I ….


Stayed in the sideways for a while …..

…..just looking on my windows .... trying hard to absorb and understand ... learn
but not ventilating any signs of what runs inside

Feeling tired …. Caught up in a space and state of motionless action …

Sometimes it just feels god to keep in silent ….


To watch the world …. . move …. Cloudy blue …. Red orange … then at dusk turns to grey then black …

…. absorbing all the rage … I deem to deserve ….

As if standing with open arms in the middle of a winter night… naked

…closed eyes

Waiting for the cold to get me

....waiting for all of the pricking needle that sinks in the skin that it gives a chilly sensation ... an excruciating pain…..

True

it is painful … humbling experience …. But every sting of cold ….every blow in the head gives a certain kind of wisdom ….

Wisdom that have been clouded by selfishness and pride ….. (I did not see)

And in the end little by little though it may not be clear ..... a whole picture seen

And realize
And you only have yourself to be blamed …..



But really it is difficult … especially when there are things in front of you that no matter how hard you decipher … of understand … you cannot …. excuse my ignorance
Is the issue still about you …. Or is it something else…..
What could the world want …what does a person want?

Self absorbed ….. to just know what you want and not others …..
TO MY FRIENDS I APOLOGIZE FOR MY LONG ABSENCE I PROMISE TO UPDATE AND CATCH UP ON YOU SOON....